Blog – The Abyss Part 2: Transmuting Fires To Lasers

Blog - The Abyss part 2: Transmuting Fires To Lasers

I lost.

“Gone,” says the little voice in my head.

I’ve been sitting here in the early morning, before the night becomes the darkest and the morning sun paints the sky, fast forwarding and rewinding, asking myself what I did wrong.

My face is screwed up, eyes squinted, I'm blinking in little flickers, but the tears don’t stream.

Those ended as a result of too many Carlton smacks.

Like a street light hunched over in the lonely darkness, I'm looking down at my feet and my train of thought is splitting  like rain drops. The drops are filled with memories and a saxophone provides the soundscape, add drum rolls of thunder and water trickling to an electric rift. It’s a frequency.

There are several fears I contemplate in life. One such fear is to be the villain to my own story, and that’s what I’m trying to figure out in this moment,

“At what point did I become the villain in this story?”

The Abyss of Failing 2: Transmuting Fires to Lasers

Like batteries, we are energy trapped in a body designed to attract, store, and conduct it.  We absorb everything around us whether we want to or not; our brains interpret the energy based on our own knowledge. Consumption goes far beyond the food we eat, it’s the environment we’re in, the media we take in, and the people around us, which sums up the things we think about.

What we think about is a self-fulfilling cycle, our own prophecies: the spells we weave together.

It makes us who we are.

It’s why we are.

Some of us absorb energy at a faster rate than others, and to some of us the overwhelming amount of energy can overcome us and cripple us. Some of us need beds to reset, others need asylums. To most people we are known as introverted, selfish; we have problems, and we have mental health issues. 

As empaths, we have to learn the hard way about absorbing people's energies; I know absorbing the wrong energies (not necessarily negative energy) can lead to negative outcomes when we least expect it to. In my world, where I work hard, I try not to put too much value in material things as I sometimes fear the energies embedded in them.

“To want” can be a distraction, and wanting the wrong things can make us suffer.

But she is my friend.

Insight – The Abyss of Failing Someone

It took me years to learn this.

I've said it before. I wanted reasons to be lifetimes and therefore made my life toxic; I sold myself short because I am toxic. It took years to overwrite and erase that toxic energy and it needed a key called accountability to unlock it.

I made all the choices that got me here!

Overwriting the toxic energy means we need to accept our faults within our story. We need to take heed to what we represented, even if it’s not our fault. When we clear all the stages of grief, we’ll need to find the neural pathways that govern us today and write over them. Doing this costs energy or better yet, it costs MANA.

There have been times I had to meditate for days, shifting through the raindrops, taking the pictures they contain and overwriting them.

And sometimes letting go of one person, one thing, or one happening, means having to let go of 10 others.


I lost.

But she is my friend.

Insight – We Evolve Beyond One Place